Disciplining your toddler.

No doubt about it, toddlers are a handful! At times, it will seem like they can be in two places at the same time, and be headed for trouble in a third one yet. Many a parent can recite nerve-racking stories of toddlers perched on top of the bookcase, or of a fall that resulted in an mergency room visit. Setting limits and maintaining some kind of control are difficult tasks with toddlers because they are so independent, yet have so few skills to communicate and solve problems. The key to disciplining your toddler includes love, under-standing, and quick thinking!

Understanding toddlers:

• Toddlers are limited in their ability to communicate. Like babies, they still like to be held, talked to, and comforted, however, toddlers can say a few words, which can mean many things. “Cup!” may mean “Hand me my cup,” “I want more milk,” A toddler, with this limited capac-ity to communicate, is therefore very hard to understand.
• Sometimes, toddlers do things that drive parents crazy. They reach out and grab things(like eyeglasses). They are rather clumsy and awkward with gestures; a loving pat often turns into an accidental whack. A spoonful of peas may wind up on the floor rather than in the mouth.
• Toddlers are also very possessive. “No,” and “Mine,” are favorite words and they are quite willing to hit or bite to get (or keep) a favorite toy. In fact, toddlers may spend as much time carrying around and protecting toys as they do playing with them.
• They have very little skill at pacing themselves and can be happy one minute and cranky the next. Much of this behavior depends on the new skills they are developing. The same toddler who screams for an unreachable cookie may lead or drag you to the jar and point at another time. Learning to do things in a socially accept-able way is a big step for a toddler.
  

How can parents help?

• One of the most important things a parent can do is to establish a safe environment. “Toddler-proof” your home by locking up dangerous chemicals and medicines, covering electri-cal outlets, and storing breakable objects up high, especially if your toddler is a climber! You also may want to take a close look at toys and how your toddler uses them. A safe place to play and appropriate toys to play with will save you from saying “No” and make your job as parent much easier.
• Establish a routine. Toddlers need naps and rea-sonable bedtimes. Small stomachs need nutritious snacks and meals frequently. Growing bodies need time to run, jump, and play every day. Riding around all day in a car seat, sleeping in a stroller, and eating fast food is OK once in a while, but if it’s happening often you may want to rethink your schedule. Taking care of basic needs can go a long way in preventing a cranky, whiny child.
• Distract. This works especially well with very young children. When a child is doing something unac-ceptable, try to call attention to another activity—perhaps playing with another toy or reading a book together. The goal is to temporarily distract the child from the current problem. For example, if a child wants to play with breakable knickknacks at a friend’s home, perhaps you can distract him or her with a stuffed toy. Since young children’s attention spans are so short, distraction is often effective.
• Redirect. If your toddler is throwing blocks, hammering on tables, or drawing on books, remove the materials while saying something like “Blocks are for building, not throwing.” At the same time substitute another appropriate toy for the material you just took away and say “If you want to throw something, throw the bean bag into the basket.” By redirecting the activity into a more acceptable situation, you let children know you accept them and their play, and ou channel a problem activity into a more acceptable activity.
• Ignore. The goal in this strategy is to have the child stop the undesir-able behavior by not paying attention to it. This can be effective in some situations with older toddlers. Withhold all attention, praise, and support. Without the desired attention, children even-tually quit whatever they’re doing. This takes patience.
• Set a good example. Toddlers love to imitate their parents. If you want your toddler to treat the dog kindly or have good eating habits, be sure to demonstrate how to do it. Re-member also to talk about what you do. Even though toddlers may not fully understand everything you say, they will begin to understand that there are reasons for doing things a certain way.
• Help your toddler understand “sharing” As was mentioned earlier, sharing is not something that toddlers do very well. They usually find it difficult to share because they don’t really understand what ownership means. They may think sharing a toy is the same as giving it away. It is very common for a toddler to give someone a toy, but expect it to be given right back. Older brothers and sisters sometimes have trouble understanding this. Sometimes it helps to explain that your toddler is just “showing” her brother the toy. If your toddler does share, give praise, but respect the need to protect treasures.
• Is it ever OK to spank?Toddlers often respond well to physical action when you need to discipline them. Touching themon the arm, taking them by the hand, picking them up, holding, or restraining them are all goodways to get their attention. Spanking will also get their attention, but doesn’t do a very good job of teaching them how to behave. In fact, it generally distresses children so much that they can’t pay attention to your explanations or directions. It’s hard to reason with a screaming,crying child. Some parents who frequently slap a toddler’s hand are dismayed to find their toddler slapping back. Or worse yet, slapping and hitting others. Spanking and slapping canquickly get out-of-hand for both parents and children. Most reported cases of abuse involveloving, well-meaning parents who just lost control. Studies show that children who experienceor witness a great deal of spanking, slapping, or hitting are much more likely to becomephysically aggressive themselves.

Toddler needs guidance if you understand the reasons for his or her behavior and know your options.